Walking past MON on Newcastle Street in Leederville, opposite The Garden, I liked the funky tables and covered stools on the pavement. This little Japanese eatery looked cute. That’s where it ends.

The poor waitress behind the counter obviously didn’t have any training as she could not answer my fairly simple questions about the dishes, nor print a tax receipt from the cash register.

We ordered the tasting board and chose four dishes; chicken yakatori, pork belly skewers, lotus chips, and gyoza dumplings. Add two bottles of still water and the bill was a reasonable $41. The food however was not reasonable. It was the opposite of reasonable.

The chicken yakatori tasted like a jar or bottle of sauce had been tipped over the top of the chicken. The Lotus chips had no seasoning whatsoever and were crunchy, very bland and had not taste except that of residual oil. It was like eating cardboard. The pork skewers were pungent, dry, and unpleasant – I couldn’t finish one skewer. My guess is that they used cheap male pork which is far inferior to female pork, something my butcher in Mount Hawthorn taught me. Or that the meat was off. The gyoza’s were probably the best of a bad bunch and they were only average. Zorba hated them.

For the rest of the night, Zorba and I both felt sick. I had to get up at 2am, 3.30am, and 5am to use the bathroom quite urgently. I will never eat here again, cute fit out or not.

Verdict: The only thing MON is serving, is another four-lettered-word beginning with “S”. My soul does not want a bar of it. Ever again. Score: 1 out of 10. 

FACT FILE